Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize