I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Even my vagina gasped.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just had sex on a roof
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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