we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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