He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
