Those balls look pretty dangerous.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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