So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
