I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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