Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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