Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
