i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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