When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
