Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
