Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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