I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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