I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
