RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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