I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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