Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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