I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
