Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
