Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My hand turned me down
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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