it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
