what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did we literally take a cab across the street
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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