So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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