He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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