i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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