You can't special order awesome
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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