Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wish my penis had a tongue
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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