my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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