there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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