Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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