i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
