I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
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cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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