it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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