i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
His nipple licking is glorious
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