yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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