sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
