That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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