one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
where does the pee come out of this thing
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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