i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
