I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
