He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
