My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i drank out of a bidet.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
