Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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