Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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