I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
bring money and cleavage
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
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I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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