when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
