mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
