what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
