It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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