I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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