She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
