I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
