He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
