I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
