No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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