I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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