She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize