my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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